During that week-long interregnum between the years, when everything is quiet and Christmas sweets are 50% off, I sat in my pajamas for an embarrassingly long time and watched four Miyazaki movies. They are colorful and quiet, filled with vast empty spaces and quaint towns. They are complicated in the way that a daydream is complicated, infused with multiple layers of meaning that are hidden beneath the wonder and beauty you see on the screen. Kiki’s Delivery Service opens with Kiki lying on her back in a grassy field, looking at a very blue sky, listening to the weather report on the radio.
It’s one of my favorite movies of Miyazaki’s oeuvre. Kiki’s Delivery Service (1989) is a movie about a 13 year old witch-in-training who must leave her family’s home by broomstick to live in a new town for one year. Kiki and her talking familiar, Jiji the black cat find a beautiful vaguely European town by the sea. Once she arrives, Kiki finds friends and starts a delivery service. Yet, she still feels a sense of loneliness and self-doubt. One ordinary day, Kiki’s witch powers mysteriously disappear. She thinks it is due to “artist’s block.” As a result, she can no longer fly nor speak to her familiar, Jiji. She tries and tries to regain her powers for the sake of her business and her progress in witchcraft. But she can only fly again to help someone in need – after her friend’s life is in danger, Kiki finds she can fly again to rescue him. Kiki is happy to have regained her powers, but there’s one big catch: she never regains the ability to speak to Jiji.
There are many layers to the story, which include the tension between modernism and traditionalism in Japan, how friendship is possible between boys and girls, and nature’s power – but it’s primarily about growth. Kiki went on a journey to grow as a witch. In the scene where Kiki leaves her hometown, she comes upon a sophisticated 14 year old witch who has completed her year of independence and discovered her own special abilities. Kiki is envious of this witch and doubtful of herself. She thinks she can grow to be just like that witch. But for Kiki, growth is not about imitation. Growth is also not about keeping everything she likes about herself the same while getting rid of her bad qualities. Later on, when she finally starts her delivery business, she realizes that growth isn’t about improving the revenue numbers of her delivery service, either. “Nobody wishes Kiki would found a huge delivery service company and become its president,” Miyazaki says.
Instead, Kiki’s growth moves her away from both the things she likes and dislikes about herself. It’s about transformation. To grow, Kiki follows her instincts. Despite the pull of the service and money, she takes the time to go off the beaten path, going the extra mile to help people around her. Her delivery service is not just about business success, but rather open communication and creating relationships within her community. Kiki burns out when she becomes overfocused on the business. She only regains her powers when she realizes that instead of revenue, her primary driving purpose is helping her friends. When she regains her powers and develops confidence in her new self, she finds she has shed both good and bad qualities from her childhood. Kiki loses her childhood companionship with her cat, Jiji, but finds that adult Kiki has companions amongst the other artists and inventors in her community.
When we think about goal setting and resolution creation in the new year, I always fall into the trap of goal setting over genuine growth. I’ll be 20% better at exercising, we think. I’ll read 50 books this year. My business will triple in revenue, and then triple again. I think about excising my bad qualities and replacing them with new ones, instead of transforming myself wholly into something new. But as Miyazaki said in an interview, “[Growth] is not simply about making money and earning a living — everybody does that. It’s about living your own life: how do you assert your individuality in this world?” he said.
I have never wanted to assert my own individuality. I just wanted to be the best. In 2022, in pursuit of that goal, I set about writing very specific goals that were meant to help me find a new path. I drank 9 glasses of water every day, studied foreign language flashcards and podcasts, hit all of my work OKRs, read 50+ books, exercised three times a week, cleaned my house top to bottom daily, socialized like a butterfly, and got a new job. By the end of the year, I was convinced that I had replaced every water molecule in my body with a new one. “I am the ship of Theseus. Every plank has been replaced, and yet I am the same old slob!” I cried in my journal.
In 2024, I’m going to try something new in an effort to feed growth over goals. I am not sure if there’s a recipe for asserting and discovering one’s individuality in this world. But it’s unlikely that upping my water consumption 20% more will help me become the individual I want to be. Instead of sticking to a tight and regimented schedule, I want a routine that is baggy enough to live in. Instead of forcing myself to do everything, I’ll let myself be drawn to the things I like.
Here’s the set of prompts I’m using. They’re heavily inspired by a variety of people. Maybe they’ll be helpful for you too.
I'm proud of these things from 2023:
My rocks (most important priorities) for the year are:
We overestimate days and underestimate years.
Here’s the most ambitious version of the year:
Here’s the small, compounding action I’ll take ~daily that helps me get there:
I invest in people. The 5 most important people are:
I'm prioritizing spending money on [BLANK] because it makes me happy.
I'm prioritizing saving money for [BLANK] because it'll make future-me happy.
A person to forgive:
A “routine baggy enough to live in” includes:
Morning:
Before bed:
I want less [BLANK] and more [BLANK]:
A habit to break:
If I really believed I was capable of anything, I'd:
Donating or giving to this feels important:
I’m done feeling afraid of:
I feel creative when I:
When I say this I mean it:
Once I do [BLANK] I’ll celebrate by: